I was on the winter of my life, and the men I met along the road were my only summer. At night, I fell asleep with visions of myself dancing and laughing and crying with them. My only real happy times were when I thought of them. I was an actress, not a very popular one, that once had dreams of becoming a beautiful poet. But upon an unfortunate series of events, saw her dreams slashed and divided like a million stars in the nightsky, that I wished on over and over again, sparkling and broken. But I didn't really mind because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted and then losing it to know what true freedom is. When the people I used to know found out what I had been doing, how I'd been living, they asked me why. But there's nothing in talking with people who have a home, they have no idea what it's like to seek safety in other people for a home to be wherever you lie your head.
I was always an unusual girl. My mother told me I had a chameleon soul. No moral compass pointing to north. No fixed personality. Just an inner indecisiveness that was wide and as wavery as the ocean. And, if I said I didn't plan for it to turn out this way, I'd be lying. Because I was born to be the other woman. Who belong to no one. Who belong to everyone. Who had nothing. Who wanted everything. With a fire for every experience and an obsession for freedom that terrified me to the point that I couldn't even talk about it, and pushed me to a nomad point of madness that would dazzle and deceive me.
I've been out on that open road
You can be my full time, daddy
White and gold
Singing blues has been getting old
You can be my full time, baby
Hot or cold
Don't break me down
I've been travelin' too long
I've been trying too hard
With one pretty song
I hear the birds on the summer breeze, I drive fast
I am alone in the night
Been tryin' hard not to get into trouble, but I
I've got a war in my mind
So, I just ride
Just ride, I just ride, I just ride
Dying young and I'm playing hard
That's the way my father made his life an art
Drink all day and we talk 'til dark
That's the way the road doves do it, ride 'til dark.
Don't leave me now
Don't say good bye
Don't turn around
Leave me high and dry
I'm tired of feeling like I'm fuckin' crazy
I'm tired of driving 'till I see stars in my eyes
I look up to hear myself saying,
Baby, too much I strive, I just ride.
Every night I used to pray that I'd find my people. And, finally, I did. On the open road. We had nothing to lose. Nothing to gain. Nothing we desired anymore except to make our lives into a work of art. Live fast. Die young. Be wild. Have fun. I believe in the person I want to become. I believe on the freedom of the open road. My model is the same as ever: I believe in the kindness of strangers. And when I'm in war with myself, I ride. I just ride. Who are you? Are you in touch with all of your darkest fantasies? Have you created a life for yourself where you can experience them? I have. I am fucking crazy.
But I am free.
Lana del Rey - Ride